Wisdom and good advice that has helped me through life

 

Throughout our youth, we receive all kinds of advice from all kinds of people.  Some of it is wise.  Some of it is nonsense.  As I am approaching 50 years old, it seems like a timely point in my life to share some of this wisdom, so I am listing some of it below.  I am not putting it in any specific order.  It is simply advice that I received from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other trustworthy adults that served me well in my youth and kept me out of trouble.  I hope that by passing it along, it can help others as well.  Some of this is relationship advice, and some of this is more general advice.  

• "Never date anyone that you wouldn't want your future children to grow up to be like."
• "The way you are treated when you are "courting" (i.e., when someone is trying to win you over) is the best you will ever be treated."
• "You cannot change anyone other than yourself, so live with integrity, according to your values."
• "Seek to marry someone who prizes marriage and commitment more than they prize you...because there will be times when you are angry with your spouse and times when you won't like each other very much.  Couples who put value on commitment will stay together through the hard times."
• "No one, including your spouse and children, is responsible for your happiness.  If anyone is responsible, it is you."
• "Never speak ill of your spouse to other people."
• "Defend your spouse, and seek to always put the other person first."
• "Never stop dating.  As important as it may seem when you are young, it is more important as you age.  You can either grow together or grow apart."
• "Sometimes it is more important to be married than to be right."
• "When you're fighting and at an impasse because both of you are convinced you are right, eventually, one of you will have to back down and apologize first."
• "Before you decide to marry someone, ask the important questions.  Some of the most important topics are those that are the most common in generating divorce: 
• child-rearing differences, 
• child aspirations (whether to have children and how many), 
• money management, 
• career aspirations,
• addictions, emotional health, and medical issues,
• the importance of religion (that importance will usually grow with age), 
• extended family boundaries and closeness (How involved will parents, grandparents, etc. be in your life as a couple? How willing are you to live close by or to move away from family?  Is there a family member who will need life-long custodianship or care?)"
• "For Christians, keeping Christ at the center of your life creates a triple-braided cord that is not easily broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
• "Never continue to date someone that you don't think you would want to marry."
• "Individual backgrounds, religion, life experiences, socioeconomic status, and family traditions will impact and shape any relationship."
• "When it comes to your children, trust your instincts.  A mom or dad can often sense when something is wrong with a child long before doctors, teachers, grandparents, and friends will."
• "Remember that there is no IQ test for getting a driver's license, so be a defensive driver, not an aggressive one.  Some drivers are still learning. Some will never learn to drive well because they aren't mentally capable.  Some are on vacation from another country with different driving rules.  Be gracious when on the road.  Don't take it personally when drivers don't drive as safely, skillfully, or carefully as you do.  We all make bad driving decisions from time to time."
• "Take time to listen to your spouse and children.  Really listen."
• "Give people the benefit of the doubt whenever you can.  By assuming good intentions, you will have more productive conversations."
• "Whenever possible, let people keep their dignity, and conversations will go much better."
• "Whenever you have to engage in a difficult conversation, remember to make it as safe for the other person as possible.  Choose the environment carefully, and state your intentions clearly."
• "When looking for a lifelong mate, remember that iron sharpens iron.  Choose someone who will sharpen you and bring out your best.  Seek to do likewise for them."
• "Remember that you are the best advocate for your child(ren)."
• "Defend your spouse so that they feel safe with you.  Don't let anyone speak ill of your spouse in your presence.  Defend him or her."
• "It takes time to build any friendship."
• "Time with people is required to make friendships."
• "Recognize that some friendships will have to change or be eliminated when you choose a lifelong partner.  Surround yourself with people who will strengthen your marriage, not distract or detract from it."
• "Don't be surprised if a man grows up to be just like just like his dad or a woman grows up to be just like her mother."
• "Don't invest time in worrying about things that are outside of your control.  On the other hand, empower yourself to change the things that you can."
• "Put Jesus first in your life, and you won't go wrong."
• "The further you go down the wrong road, the more difficult it is to retrace that ground."
• "Don't be surprised when your sins find you out.  Ultimately, they usually do."
• "Make happy memories with your child(ren) while they are still young."
• "In child-rearing, consistency is more important than sternness or leniency.  To grow into healthy adults, children need as much consistency as you can provide them."
• "All children need to feel they have a place where they can feel safe, secure, and unconditionally loved."
• "All children need boundaries to make them feel safe...and to keep them safe."
• "Don't be afraid to take risks, but take them wisely."
• "Pray with your children and with your spouse."
• "In relationships, don't bring up the other person's past mistakes or keep score."
• "With any long-lasting friendship, you will discover faults in the other person.  You will have to overlook some of these in order to maintain long-lasting friendships."
• "For a marriage to last, it takes more than love.  It requires commitment."
• "Once you are married, keep an appropriate distance from other people to whom you are attracted."
• "The only time that is truly ours is the present."
• "If we are honest with ourselves, most of the things we spend time worrying about never happen."