More wisdom from Atticus Finch...
In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that my favorite book of all time (next to the Bible) is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I also mentioned that the character of Atticus Finch is one of the main reasons that I love the book. Tonight, I am thinking about something that Atticus Finch says in the novel:
In life, there are people who regularly assume the worst about others' behavior and people who assume the best. There are also plenty of people who live within the space in between. I have observed that at least some of the people who assume the worst of others have lived relatively pleasant, trouble-free lives. I have also observed that at least some of the people who assume the best of others have lived painful lives full of traumatic experiences. Therefore, one's perspective on the world is not entirely a product of life experience. Instead, maintaining optimism and exercising fairness toward other people often seems to come down to making a conscious choice to exercise fairness and optimism about the intentions of others.
Unfortunately, I spent the first few decades of life often assuming the worst of people. Living this way was hard, difficult, and depressing. As I entered mid-life, I made a conscious decision to assume good intentions of the people I encounter, even those who have done me harm. I have found that it is so much easier and more pleasant to live this way. If I discover later on that I was mistaken, I can always revise my opinion. I am no longer so prideful that I must always be right about people. I would rather assume the best and feel a little foolish later on than to assume the worst and not only feel foolish, but to look foolish (or worse, mean-spirited) later.
That is why I am a fan of Harper Lee's character, Atticus Finch. Rather than assuming the worst, Atticus is willing to walk about in the other person's shoes in order to understand their behavior and the motives that drive their behavior. To do this requires a lot of humility, confidence, comfort in one's own skin, and the ability to extend a degree of trust while maintaining a safe distance. I believe that this is what the happiest and healthiest people do, and in my own experience, adopting an optimistic attitude about people has improved the quality of my inner life. That doesn't mean that I am immune to assuming the worst, but it does mean that I am more aware of the stories I recite and play out in my mind. Once I recognize the assumptions I have made about a person's behavior, I can choose to discard the assumption, replace it with a better story, or temporarily set it aside to consider later.
Assuming good intentions is almost always the best choice...and we have a choice to make every day.
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.As I was listening to a story told by a friend of mine recently, I noted that she had jumped to a conclusion about someone. I was rather surprised by the leap because my friend is such a kindhearted person. It helped that I had more information about the reasons for the other person's actions than she did, but it still surprised me that my friend was so quick to assume the worst rather than assuming the best (or, at least remaining open-minded and neutral). Once I shared the missing pieces with my friend, she was equally surprised how quickly she had made false assumptions. She had unconsciously chosen to believe the horrible stories she had told herself about someone whose intentions were good.
In life, there are people who regularly assume the worst about others' behavior and people who assume the best. There are also plenty of people who live within the space in between. I have observed that at least some of the people who assume the worst of others have lived relatively pleasant, trouble-free lives. I have also observed that at least some of the people who assume the best of others have lived painful lives full of traumatic experiences. Therefore, one's perspective on the world is not entirely a product of life experience. Instead, maintaining optimism and exercising fairness toward other people often seems to come down to making a conscious choice to exercise fairness and optimism about the intentions of others.
Unfortunately, I spent the first few decades of life often assuming the worst of people. Living this way was hard, difficult, and depressing. As I entered mid-life, I made a conscious decision to assume good intentions of the people I encounter, even those who have done me harm. I have found that it is so much easier and more pleasant to live this way. If I discover later on that I was mistaken, I can always revise my opinion. I am no longer so prideful that I must always be right about people. I would rather assume the best and feel a little foolish later on than to assume the worst and not only feel foolish, but to look foolish (or worse, mean-spirited) later.
That is why I am a fan of Harper Lee's character, Atticus Finch. Rather than assuming the worst, Atticus is willing to walk about in the other person's shoes in order to understand their behavior and the motives that drive their behavior. To do this requires a lot of humility, confidence, comfort in one's own skin, and the ability to extend a degree of trust while maintaining a safe distance. I believe that this is what the happiest and healthiest people do, and in my own experience, adopting an optimistic attitude about people has improved the quality of my inner life. That doesn't mean that I am immune to assuming the worst, but it does mean that I am more aware of the stories I recite and play out in my mind. Once I recognize the assumptions I have made about a person's behavior, I can choose to discard the assumption, replace it with a better story, or temporarily set it aside to consider later.
Assuming good intentions is almost always the best choice...and we have a choice to make every day.
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