A Lesson from Jane Austen

Say what you will, but I am a guy who loves reading Jane Austen books.  Perhaps I am a romantic at heart, or perhaps I just enjoy good literature, but I am fascinated by the characters and plots of her books.  I wasn't a literature major in college, but I have spent a great deal of time thinking about some of the characters that she created.  I am particularly fascinated by Darcy in Pride and Prejudice.

Austen's novels are full of surprises.  She teases her readers with tidbits here and there as they gradually discover the idiosyncrasies and hidden motives of each character.  Some of her characters appear fine and noble on the outside, but have less-than-honorable intentions.  Other characters are painted in a negative light, but have positive, hidden traits and motivations.  Darcy is initially portrayed as an aloof, unappealing character, but as the story progresses, the reader learns that he is much more complicated than he first appears.  I won't spoil the book for anyone who has yet to read it, except to say that Darcy is a much better man at his core than he appears on the outside...which leads me to a question about life...

How often do we write our own stories about people's motives and actions?  How many Darcy's are out here in the real world that we fail to notice.  We observe things about them that appear negative at first glance, but fail to discover the truth because we don't take the time to look closer.  Or, perhaps we simply don't take the time to talk to them.  Maybe they have committed some error in judgment, decorum, or an injustice against us that was simply misguided, mistaken, or misunderstood.  Do we assume the worst about people, or do we assume the best? 

I believe it was Abraham Lincoln who once said, "If you look for the worst in people and expect to find it, you surely will."  When we fall into the habit of assuming the worst or focusing on the worst, it skews our view of the world and poisons our opinions of people.  It makes it difficult for us to form trusting relationships with others.  

In my own life, I can't begin to count how many times I have been mistaken about the actions and motives of other people, or how embarrassed and shocked I was to discover the truth: that their intentions were good or that they had not done the things I suspected at all.  It's horrible to think of friendships I lost in my youth because I thought the worst of people rather than focusing on their best.  As an adult, I've worked hard to assume that everyone around me has good intentions, and I've found that they usually do.

In order to have any long-lasting friendships in life, we've got to be willing to overlook a person's mistakes and personality flaws and concentrate on their better moments and characteristics.  Some may call this kind of thinking naive or unrealistic, but I find that it's much easier to get along with people if I focus on each person at their best, rather than dwelling on their worst.  After all, Jane Austen's "Darcy" wasn't perfect, but his redeeming qualities made up for his flaws.  Are there any Darcy's in your life?