Forsaking Self

 

How difficult it is to deny our own will, our own ambitions, our own needs and wants.  Even more difficult, though, is the kind of forgetfulness of oneself that so many Christian writers speak of; yet, that is exactly what we are called to do, for we are to be reborn into a new life in Christ.

In his book, The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis says that we must forsake ourselves always and in everything. (Book 3, Chapter 37) 

How do I leave myself out of the equation?  For me, this is one of the most difficult things that our Lord instructs us to do: "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for My sake shall find it." (Matthew 10:39) "If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." (Matthew 16:24)

We have to die to ourselves over and over again, every day, a thousand times a day.  We can only do this by focusing on Him.  When we take our eyes off of Him, we begin thinking of our own wants, needs, ambitions, worries, popularity, success, failure, fears, foibles, struggles, setbacks, and so on.  When we look upon Him, we may, in that blessed moment, forget ourselves and take on the mind of Christ by the help of His Holy Spirit.

I am continually amazed, however, at how easily my self-consciousness creeps back into the foreground, at how often my self-will twists and warps my plans and actions, at how deep-seated my selfishness goes.  Like Eustace Scrubb in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, I am peeling away at dragon skin after dragon skin, trying to rid myself of self.  I cannot.  Only He can do it for me.

I think that George MacDonald had it right: we have few choices left before us.  Once we are cognizant of our selfishness, we can abandon ourselves to self and squeeze God out of the picture.  We can seek desperately and unsuccessfully to rid ourselves of self, clambering about like a neurotic soul, trying to torture ourselves into submission.  Or, we can surrender ourselves to Him, allowing Him to re-create us anew, allowing Him to strip us of our many facades, allowing Him to live in us and through us.  Only He can bend our wants, needs, and ambitions to His will.  Only He can conquer our selfishness and self-will.

When we set our eyes on Christ, we forget ourselves and are freed from ourselves.  "Christ is the way out, and the way in; the way from slavery, conscious or unconscious, into liberty; the way from the unhomeliness of things to the home we desire but do not know; the way from the stormy skirts of the Father's garments to the peace of His bosom."

The Scriptural excerpts above come from the Authorized (King James) Version of the Holy Bible.  The final quote above is taken from George MacDonald's sermon on "Self-Denial" in his book, Unspoken Sermons, which is in the public domain.